Platitudes drive me nuts

Bad things happen and we all want to help those we love through them. There are things that for some reason have become the norm. These sayings to me have no meaning and they can do more harm than good.

To me they are just ways to make ourselves feel better because we “tried” to help the other person.

It is God’s plan/will – NO IT IS NOT – His plan was shot to hell with Adam and Eve. God does not plan to let bad things happen. He does not will us to have bad things happen to us. He lets things happen to us, and then He can use those things to help us grow and become closer to Him. But it is not His plan or will.

Time heals all wounds – WRONG. The pain is always there, waiting to sneak up on you in the most inappropriate times. Example a few weeks after the death of a loved one in training class I was asked to read the scenario – that was about a car crash and the death of a loved one – I started crying and had to reign it in to finish the scenario. What happens is that we learn to live with the pain – we learn to live with the lose, and the moments of overwhelming emotion are fewer and fewer – but it never goes away.

Everything happens for a reason. Well ok and sometimes that reason is because someone made a bad decision. There is not necessarily anything good about the situation. And there doesn’t have to be.

It is what it is. Really that is supposed it make anyone feel better. To me it is a cop out and defeatist attitude. We can’t change anything so we must accept it. Not work to make it better.

What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger – WHAT!!! There are many things that people go through that doesn’t kill them. But it doesn’t make us stronger. A lot of times it makes us more susceptible to other things just as bad.

I try to listen and convey that I am there. I don’t have the answers, but they are not going through this alone. I tell them I love them, and I empathize. I look for what they need and help fulfill those needs. I try not to crowd them, but let them know I am willing to drop everything to be there for them.

I don’t have all the answers, I am not a educated, licensed anything – if you are going through something seek help. There is nothing wrong with counseling. I think everyone at one time or another needs it.

Also if you are helping someone through it, don’t just give platitudes because you don’t know what to say. Stay silent and listen. Give them the support they need and not say things just to make you feel better.

Update – 2/11/23

Yesterday this proved itself again – I was getting food and saw someone for half a second I thought was someone else. That someone else is no longer with us and the pain crashed down again.

Update 3/7/24

I am reviewing my blog and hoping to start doing it consistently, even if it is ramblings of an old woman. But I saw something on What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger. It said it does not, it can break us. but the HEALING can make us stronger, and if we are not stronger than we have more healing and that is OK.