This is not the blog I wanted to write. (Life isn’t fair)

This is not the topic I expected to write about at the very beginning of my chronicling my journey. It is not a blog I ever wanted to write.

Last week, my friend’s daughter was in an accident. The accident caused damage to her arteries in the neck – which caused her death a few days later. The daughter was a bright light, had a smile that lit up the darkness and had an anger that was scary to say the least. She was stubborn, selfless, and overall an amazing person. She leaves behind devastated family and friends.

She was around the same age as my son. Which causes a wake up call – NOBODY is safe from death. I always just go about things as if we will all die at an old age. There is always time to tell someone I love them. Well there may not be.

I am angry and sad and still in disbelief. I am grieving. But I am grieving for more than my loss right now. I am grieving for the loss my friend is going through. I am grieving for her kids and fiancée. I am grieving again for my dad, my friend Kathy, my friend Kelly, my grandparents…

I am also reminded that our decisions can always have a catastrophic consequence. That there may be fallout. I think about all the things I did that might have caused death – and I am sure many of them caused hurt. And I grieve that.

I yell and scream and cry.

I remind myself the God did not LET this happen. He gave us freewill and things will happen because of it. But I still yell and scream at him WHY. Logically I understand this, but emotionally I want Him to make it better. To have stopped it and allowed a beautiful soul to continue with the life that was finally going her way.

And most important I want you to know that you are loved.